By Caro March 17, 2023
Sometimes we make a gesture with good intentions, but it is poorly received. We thought we were being generous, and the other person was offended. What can we do? And most importantly, can we prevent these confusing reactions?
Our generosity can sometimes inspire us to make friendly gestures toward other people. For example, we can take the decision to give an amount of money to a person who seems in need. We then expect a big thank you, or at least a nice smile. Tears of joy are always the ultimate reward. But when the recipient explodes in anger at our gift, we are inevitably confused and disoriented. How can someone react like this?
We need to remember that we do not know all the details of the life of the person before us. We may have the best intentions in the world, but if we don’t take the time to get to know each other’s needs, our solution may not really fit the need. Therefore the ideal way is to always ask the person what they want. Like Jesus did, with the blind man who approached Him. Even though it seemed obvious that this man needed healing, Jesus took the time to ask him what he wanted. “So Jesus answered and said to him: What do you want Me to do for you? The blind man said to Him: Rabboni, that I may receive my sight” (Mark 10:51 NKJV).
This principle applies even more in our relationship with our partner. For example, if the man has the desire to give flowers to his sweetheart, it would be good to check with the woman which flowers she likes. Perhaps the roses remind her of the bouquet placed on her mother’s grave, and she would appreciate the lilies more. Before giving her chocolate, perhaps subtly inquire if she has any food allergies from those who know her.
You also have to respect the limits. If the woman you’re dating tells you she wants to end the relationship, you need to stop sending her sweet messages and small gifts. Even if you have good intentions, if she doesn’t want any more presents, you should stop completely. It’s not always the thought that counts. To demonstrate our respect, we must consider the perception of the other person before taking action. Paul had no problem eating meat dedicated to idols. But out of respect for his brother, he chose to refrain from it (1 Corinthians 8). Being respectful sometimes requires us to impose limits on ourselves by considering the perception of others.
If our gestures, words, or gifts are poorly received, we should not be offended. Let us be humble enough to ask for forgiveness by explaining our intention. “I wanted to make you happy, but I should have taken the time to ask you what you needed before doing it. It’s my mistake, forgive me.” If the other person remains angry, holding a grudge, distance yourself. You have learned your lesson, you will be more careful next time or towards the next person. Our best intentions can sometimes be misunderstood. Anyone can make this mistake. The important thing is to learn from our mistakes and become better.