By Caro December 8, 2023
Just because he’s handsome and goes to church doesn’t mean he’s the man of God sent by his angels to make you happy. We must be wise in our decisions and for that, it is necessary to ask real questions.
One of the phrases pastors often hear when it comes to divorce is, “He (or she) is not the same person I married!” It is indeed possible that after several years of marriage, our partner changes radically in certain areas, and catastrophic circumstances transform a person’s character. These are difficult issues that need to be addressed, marital challenges that need to be dealt with, and the help of a counselor will surely be necessary to avoid divorce. But often, after a good discussion, partners will realize that they had already seen this trait before marriage and ignored it, or that they had simply never studied this facet of their partner before getting together. Too many Christians get married with their eyes blinded by love, thinking that by getting married before God, in a church, their marriage will be perfect. Let’s not be naive. When it comes to romantic relationships, here’s what you need to know.
Before the first date
If you met your “special someone” on a dating site or if they are just an acquaintance of yours, before spending an evening with this person, look for some common topics. That will allow you to have discussion topics in the bank to avoid uncomfortable silences. Especially in the case of a first date after an online introduction, be sure to share basic information with a trusted person, in the extreme case that you have come across a dangerous character. But that’s about all. Don’t start doing an in-depth investigation on a person you barely know: [the idea of this first date][1] is to get to know each other, precisely. Don’t be a stalker! Let the person introduce themselves to you little by little.
Before the engagement
During your dating time, before you officially commit to each other, it’s time to do your investigation into several areas of each other’s lives. Get to know their friends (who will certainly tell you a lot about them). Meet their family: The way they care for their parents will tell you a lot about how they will care for you later. Is he a hard-working man who takes on challenges? Is she a spontaneous woman who likes to spoil those around her? What is their emotional state when the weather is depressing? What are their hobbies, and how much time do they spend on them? Does this person prefer to be alone with you, or prefer to go on group outings? What is her relationship with God like, and is the fruit of the Spirit manifest in her life? How did their old relationship end, and what did they learn from it? (If they tell you it was all their ex’s fault, and they have nothing to blame… that’s fishy!) Are they teachable or stubborn?
During your dating time, there will, of course, be beautiful romantic moments. But we don’t have to stop there! We also have to put our rose-colored glasses aside, at times, and take out our magnifying glasses to examine the person’s character traits. How do they react in different situations? Be wise and analyze the situation carefully. Your close friends can also help you, as can spiritual authorities. Listen to their observations and consider them, although ultimately you are completely responsible for your decision whether or not to continue the relationship based on the information you have gathered.
After the engagement, but before the wedding
Here we have to ask ourselves the big questions. That is the time when we show each other our bank accounts and reveal our debts and financial commitments. That is the time when we go to see a doctor for a complete health check-up, and we share these check-ups with our fiancé(e). That is the time when we reveal to the other person what sins we are struggling with: whether it is pornography, alcoholism, gambling, or gossip (or others). That is the time to agree on your common life project, to see if you have the same spiritual aspirations.
Because when you are married, committed before the Lord to be the life partner of this child of God, you will not be able to break this alliance by claiming that you were not aware.