By Tobi March 22, 2024
This well-known passage in the Bible is usually discussed in women’s conferences. After all, this chapter is about the virtuous woman. But by taking the time to study the passage carefully, we realize that it also speaks about men!
Let’s start by pointing out the obvious: Proverbs 31 does speak of virtuous women, but this message is… addressed to a man! So it is a passage that should be studied by men first and foremost. The first piece of advice we find there is in verse 10. “Who can find a capable wife? Her value is far beyond that of pearls” (CJB). To find a virtuous woman, you must therefore… look for her! The first advice a man finds in this passage is therefore to seek a virtuous woman. It is clearly stated in the passage that beauty is not the greatest criterion, but it is the strength of character that should be sought. Even if she has some physical imperfections, if she is strong, determined, and resourceful, she is a wise choice.
In verse 11 we read: “Her husband trusts her from his heart, and she will prove a great asset to him” (CJB). To trust someone, you have to have your heart healed. As a man, we need to ask ourselves if we are ready to open up to a woman. If we have put up walls to protect ourselves, we must seek healing in our hearts first. If we feel threatened by a woman who has a higher salary, it is because we need healing, our value is not in our income.
A little further on we read: “Her husband is known at the city gates when he sits with the leaders of the land” (v. 23 CJB). At the time this passage was written, the city gates were like our town halls. That is where the decisions were made. Men, we should develop our wisdom to a point where people seek our advice. We will find our wisdom in the Presence of God. A good place to start developing our leadership and wisdom is in our local churches. Christian women also like men who are involved in their church. So let’s be on fire for God, it’s good for us and our future married life.
Speaking of “gates of the city”, it is written in verse 31 that the man speaks about his wife to the other elders. We see that the man does not feel in competition with the woman, he does not see her as inferior to him. He considers her advice as a shining example of what he should be. We must not be afraid to give compliments, to elevate women. Moreover, verse 26 says that a virtuous woman speaks wisely. When we find a woman who speaks wisely, we can listen to her advice. We need to stop the attitude: “She won’t tell me what to do!” To be wise is to take the teachings and life examples of all those around us (men and women) and learn from them to become wiser ourselves.
In verse 27 it is written that a virtuous woman is hardworking. Well, a hardworking woman won’t want to marry a lazy man. So let us not be malicious, deceptive, or lazy men. If the woman takes care of her home, the man must do the same.
Another quality of the virtuous woman is her generosity (v. 20 and 21). Again, if we want to marry a virtuous woman, we must not be stingy. We must also be generous and farsighted.
To summarize, all men want a woman like the one in Proverbs 31, but when we have found one, to keep her, we must develop the same qualities and have a healed heart. And we should not develop these qualities just to solidify our relationship. We must develop these qualities because we must be good ambassadors in the Kingdom of God and these qualities make us good models of Christ.