By Caro June 3, 2022
When it comes to sexuality when dating, the Bible is not very precise. It clearly says not to have intercourse, but what about kisses, touches, etc.? How far can we go?
The Bible clearly condemns adultery, immorality, and fornication. But the exact definition of these three terms is never given, which allows each person to make a personal interpretation. While most Christian authorities agree that full sexual intercourse is only permitted between a man and a woman married to each other, anything that happens before this point does not reach a consensus. Therefore, it is not uncommon for the two partners to disagree on the limits to be set. These debates often lead to frustration in a couple, and even condemnation. How can you establish boundaries that respect the will of God, and are accepted by both?
- A question of respect for your beloved The Bible says that we shouldn’t be a stumbling block for someone else. If the seductive games of one partner cause the other to feel bad, then it is necessary to put on the brakes. For example, if the girl feels she is committing a sin by indulging in these games, it is necessary to stop immediately, out of respect for her.
To explain this, consider the example in 1 Cor. 10:28-29. This passage talks about the consumption of meat sacrificed to idols. To paraphrase Paul, if I think it’s okay to do it, but you think it’s a sin, then I will not eat it. My conscience is at peace to do it, but if your conscience is not, I will refrain from doing so that you may be at peace. God wants us to be ready to limit our freedom out of respect for another person.
If your partner really loves you, they will want to respect you and stay within your limits. They won’t try to convince you to move them.
- A question of respect for God The most important thing in the life of a child of God is their relationship with our heavenly Father. If a behavior makes you feel separated from God, because you feel like you are sinning, back away. You must feel justified before God, and no one should ask you to do anything that makes you feel further from God.
Before you engage in certain activities, you can ask yourself: “Are we comfortable doing this knowing that God is looking at us?” If you want your couple to be blessed, your commitment must bring you closer to God. If what you are doing is taking you away from God, stop it. You may feel closer to each other, but if it produces the opposite of spiritual edification, it is better to abstain.
- A question of faithfulness You can also look at your situation from another point of view. Before marriage, you belong to Christ, and to Him, you must be faithful, body and spirit, as 1 Corinthians 7:34 (WEB) says: “There is also a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. “
When you will be married, will you allow your spouse to intimately caress another? Obviously, not! In such a case, these caresses would be a sin, a form of adultery, right? So, if this is a sin after marriage, it is also before marriage! Because as long as you are not married before God to one another, you are engaged to the Lord.
Note: It is normal to have desires for your partner when dating. Physical attraction is necessary to build a healthy relationship. You will not be in a position of adultery towards Christ if you feel attracted to your partner. But be vigilant. Keep your thoughts pure, do not let them wander, for it is from the heart that sins are born (Mark 7: 21-22).
- A question of protection Finally, another point of view to consider is the possibility that your current relationship does not end in marriage. Before you do anything, you may ask yourself: “If this relationship ends, and I marry another man, will I feel bad about that I gave this or that to a man other than my husband?”
Yes, God forgives our trespasses. We can repent, and our sins are erased. We will no longer be condemned for them. However, even if the judgment is erased, the consequences are not. Talk to the women who were sexually assaulted. Even if they manage to be completely healed from their horrible experience, they will never forget what happened. What would you like to give only to your spouse? Whatever that is, do not give it to anyone else, even if you are motivated by love, so as long as you are not married.