By Caro May 10, 2024
Any good Christian will answer “Of course”! By trying to be a “good person,” we automatically think we are trustworthy. However, there are many small actions that we take that can put barriers in our relationships.
Why do we trust God? Because He remains the same forever (Hebrews 13:8) and because He is the same with everyone (Acts 10:34). God is authentic. We also trust God because we know that He is concerned for us (1 Peter 5:7) and that He responds to our weaknesses with His mighty hand (2 Corinthians 12:9). God shows empathy towards us. So the recipe is not that complicated: if we want to be a trustworthy person, we must also be authentic and demonstrate empathy.
Being authentic means being yourself in private and in public, in church and at work (Titus 2:7-8). In conversation, we don’t pretend to know everything, and we don’t just talk about our strengths; we are willing to learn and therefore recognize our weaknesses and mistakes (James 5:16). We are all in the process of refining, so we try to improve ourselves, and we also know how to recognize our good moves. One of the major pillars for building trust is to keep our promises (Matthew 5:37) and not to lie (Zechariah 8:16-17) or even exaggerate what we say.
Being authentic is the starting point for inspiring trust, but to that we must certainly add empathy, that is, showing sincere concern for others (Romans 15:7). In a conversation, keep your interventions short and take the time to listen to the other person (Proverbs 17:27-28). Even try to read between the lines, that is, to understand why this person wants to share this with you. Listen to others with a servant’s spirit (Hebrews 13:16), but without imposing yourself. Also refuse to talk about other people who are not there or worse, to share secrets (Proverbs 11:13).
Having the reputation of being trustworthy is not acquired in one encounter. When you start a new relationship, like during your dating time, you can’t pray that the other person will suddenly trust you. Trust is not a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). It is up to you, through consistency, to build that trust in others.
During your dating time, for example, avoid criticizing the other person or worse, do not try to change them. As long as trust is not absolute, any criticism will be poorly received, and will leave doubt in the heart of the other. “I’m not good enough for her.” To avoid further criticism, your partner could then hide their faults, and this would of course be harmful to your relationship. During your dating time, simply take notes. Instead of telling the other person what to change, ask yourself if you can be their assistant in this area once you’re married. If you can’t help them, and this flaw is unbearable for you, don’t marry this person. We are not called to change others, but to help them, support them, and assist them.
We must also keep in mind that trust can be quickly broken. A lie, a broken promise, or a negative criticism can block a relationship. We must of course apologize, but even if forgiveness is immediate, trust takes time to rebuild. Just because the person no longer trusts you doesn’t mean they haven’t forgiven you. After forgiveness, all the work has to start again.